My name is Rebekah Picolo-Donnelly and I have un-diagnosed ADHD. I know for a certainty that I have adhd and the funny thing is that my mom has also always known yet I was never tested even though it runs in my family (it is hereditary), and I lived my whole adolescence and early adult years struggling to make my key fit into the generic lock of the world when it just was never meant to fit. Once I finally decided to get tested, I called my GP and I asked to be put on the waiting list and in the country I live in, the waiting list is over 7 YEARS long, which would then make me 30 years old…so I decided I couldn’t rely on that to be my saving grace. I look back at my time at university with irony because I was struggling through my psychology degree with my very own “mental disorder” that I was so blind to at the time; I just knew it felt so much harder than everyone else and I couldn’t figure out why I was so “broken”, why I couldn’t read a single paragraph from scientific studies or why I made the stupidest mistakes over and over!
But with age comes wisdom and now I can look back and recognise all of the symptoms I was too overwhelmed to see, and I am now in a place where I am more or less at peace with my lot in life. My hope for this blog post is that it will help anyone that is searching for answers about their own situation or searching on behalf of someone else; I really hope that what works for me will help you or even if it inspires some thought that can lead to your own tips for dealing with your own ADHD.
- The first thing I want to highlight is that it’s okay to sometimes feel completely out of control. When I was having the hardest time with my adhd I felt like I was being possessed by some other spirit because I couldn’t understand what set me off so strongly and it was insanely hard to calm down once I had “exploded”. This is a very common theme with “adhd’ers” as emotional regulation is not our strong suit; it sometimes feels like our emotions rule us, but I have found ways that help me avoid the “explosions” in the first place.
- The first tip is to think about what got you into the emotional state and piece it together from the end to the start. I have found that my triggers are usually; I feel overstimulated and I’m not sure how to regulate myself, I’ve become overwhelmed by too much happening at the same time, or something has annoyed me on a sensory level and one more annoying thing on top of that will set me off. Finding your triggers is the best way to understand yourself; once you understand yourself it’ll be so much easier to notice when you feel especially irritable which is definitely a warning sign that you can use.
- The next best tip for anyone with adhd or for anyone wanting to find out a bit more due to someone close to you having adhd is to learn to communicate. The absolute best thing I did was communicate more with my partner about when I was feeling uncomfortable, or overwhelmed etc. Before I learned to communicate my feelings; it would look like this to him; I would be fine and then I was yelling and angry and explosive and he would just be so confused because it came out of nowhere in his perspective, which I can absolutely sympathise with. It used to feel so hard sometimes because I didn’t see my explosive emotions as parts of myself because I couldn’t make sense of where they came from. But now that I realise that those emotions are a part of me and are a part of my defensive strategy to purge the negative feelings of being overwhelmed or overstimulated etc.
- A great tip for communicating is to be very simple and plain in your language; for example, “I want to cook dinner in silence because I’m feeling really overwhelmed right now and I don’t want to feel any more stimulation.” Or “Don’t touch my arm right now I’m feeling sensory overload due to my sock being too tight on my toe etc” (those are some of my triggers lol). This is not only advocating for yourself, but it also lets everyone around you know that you’re struggling with something which will allow them to understand you more and it gives them the opportunity to help you out. This is so great because once you’ve had your space to regulate your emotions again; you can integrate back into the routine of the day with the people in your life, and it’ll be much quicker getting back into your routine as you avoided the intense emotions that would have previously impacted you and everyone around you. You won’t believe the relief you feel once you can advocate for your feelings and avoid things bubbling over.
- Another great tip is to swim with the current. What I mean by that is that it’s sometimes okay just to indulge yourself in a new hobby even if you know it won’t last long. There’s something to be said for all the hobbies we collect over the years; its impressive! I used to always feel so much guilt and shame that I would go out and buy all the equipment I needed for a certain hobby and then I would spend like an entire 2/3 days totally engrossed and by the 4th day I could feel myself losing steam and motivation. This was so disheartening at the time and the cycle continued and continued and honestly, I don’t think it’ll ever stop but I now chose to view it as gaining new skills. Its so easy to feel negative emotions and fight yourself every step of the way but that won’t change the outcome; you will still have ADHD.
- So I say enjoy the ride; there are a lot of objectively negative aspects of adhd but there are also so many positives and once we start looking for the positives, we will start to accept that part of ourselves and it becomes a lot easier in life! As the saying goes, “A jack of all trades is a master of none, but often times better than a master of one”. If I didn’t have adhd then I wouldn’t know how to paint, draw, make paper, Lino Print, embroider, bead, paint glass, up-cycle clothing, sculpt using clay, experiment with makeup etc… All of these things have helped me when I needed to funnel some creativity into something, and I can’t begrudge myself that!
- The last tip for this post is to learn to accept yourself. I know it’s difficult to give yourself grace, but ADHD isn’t going away, you’re going to be living with it long-term so you’re going to have to accept that it’s part of you at some point. And in fact, you were made this way for a reason; I believe I was made to experience as much as I can in life and channel my creativity into as many things as I can find because I wasn’t made with all this creativity for nothing!
- Along with that, I personally believe that life is also there to teach you things; this can be as literal as learning a new hobby or it can be learning how to combat your mood swings or even as simple as learning when to say no. I know it may seem like a selfish thing but if you don’t take care of your own needs first how do you expect to be able to cater to anyone else’s needs? As they say in the Airlines, put your air mask on first.